Petit à petit, Yuan fait son nid.

Two Views 两种视觉——钢琴曲

Lesson 3: About Children

    Every Christmas Day, Jose would join his big family to celebrate the New Year together.

   This time, when he came back, he told me there was a climax when the son of his brother’s wife from her previous marriage came to the family gathering.  He was very young, maybe only 20 years old, but he had been to many countries, therefore he could speak five or six languages.

    “It was amazing to see such a beautiful and nice boy.” Jose said.

    I was interested in what kind of language he grasped, after I learned that he could even speak Turkish, I was astonished. “Come on, what’s the use of learning Turkish, he should try to learn Chinese instead!”

    Jose said, “In fact, I already told him that.”

    I felt a little bit embarrassed, I said “You know, I am not degrading Turkish…”

    Immediately Jose said, “I understood, bragging is not Chinese’s culture.”

    “Ehh…You are right.”

    Then, another thing came to my mind.

    “If he keeps moving and travelling, that means he is not able to stay with his family. And it might be very possible that he might never be able to live with his parents again. Is it OK for them?” I asked.

    “Sure, why would it be a problem?” Jose asked, even more surprised. “Children do not belong to their parents, they belong to themselves.”

    “But you know, for Chinese people, the parents always want to live close to their chidren. They don’t want to seperate from them.”

    “Why, if I may ask?”

    “Because they might want their children to take care of them, especially when they get older. I think it is the nature of having children. Children are a great comfort and support for their parents.” I said, as I understand it.

     Jose leaned back and smiled, “Interesting.”

    “For instance, if your son travelled to another country and lived there, which means that you might not be able to see him as often as you want, is it OK for you?” I asked him.

    Jose immediately leaned forward saying “Come on, Yuan, why not? I am not Chinese. I believe that if my child can travel and live abroad, it will obviously give him more life experiences, a much better understanding of a different culture, it will broaden his mind and hence build him a maturity he would never get otherwise. All of which is good for him. I would be proud and happy for him.”

    “But he might not be able to take care of you.” I reminded him.

    “I can take care of myself.” Jose said briefly and firmly. “I don’t want to be any burden for anybody including my son.”

    “Yuan, again, please understand that your true happiness should not come from the others, not even your family. It should come from yourself. You remember? I already told you that you are responsible for your own joys. That exceptional way of living is yours to choose…and to cherish for the rest of your life.”

    Silence….

    Then Jose said, understanding, “I believe that the reasons we find when we decide to have children are different between us Westerners and you Chinese people because of the culture gap between our different societies. But I also believe that the true reasons should be found in very small but so meaningful little things like, for instance, how we feel deeply happy and contempt from the moment our children begin to call us “Dad,” or “Mom”; not because we entertain the hope that our children might support us and take care of us near the end of our lives.”

    “Have you ever considered to have children one day?” Jose asked me.

    “Ehh… Yes, sometimes I think about it. I want a boy.” I was very honest.

    “Why, if I may ask?”

    Ahh, words rushed to my lips, and I said it gladly “Because I hope when he will become a big guy, he could protect me. And even when he will be a little boy, he could help me carrying the heavy bags when we will go shopping.”

    Jose leaned back again and smiled, “Well, you can dream.”

    Ehh…